pK

i got job, but...never been better, no matter what i done never been approved/satisfied by others. maybe i really don't belong anyplace and so stupid enough to compensate with others

i got lover, but...never been acknowledge my feeling, so perhaps she need someone perfect where she no need to give a chance for me or wait for nothing as she so sure 100% know about myself

i got friend/s, but...never been forever, maybe i am nothing for them as they never been happy with me and never got my hand when they need something. Perhaps, they already acknowledge, judge me as they want but truly people make mistake and will change as time flow.

i got someone closer, but...never got a chance to start over. despite no matter i try to prove myself as wanted and being better in live to build/deepen our feeling, then so sudden we broke and they just being silent forgetting what they've done so far (never try to understand, put decision for me)

i got my family, but....never and never make they proud of me, plus they just got embarrassed with me. maybe they saw me how unlucky i am, always got bad news especially in relationship
   
 
 


i got my life, but..never been fine with the matters above

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kena 'tindih' time tid0? hm,lepas pagi tadi (210645 Nov '11) dah lebih 3x gua kena
'tindih'. 1st time gua kena time tid0 kat hostel, bangunan yg Majlis Agama Islam
& Adat Melayu Terengganu (MAIDAM) sewakan kat Sek gua dlu. Cam biasa,
 tengah sedap2 tid0, tetibe berat+kena tindih+cam kne pgg+mulut cm t'kunci.
 bila kena camtu, gua try gagahkan  diri untuk azan even perasan suara+mulut
tersekat cam lumpuh. dan biasa tak sempat abes azan, da ok dan paling 'hebat'
 gua bantai tid0 balik (huhu..). tapi pagi tadi  mmg luar biasa. maybe ada kaitan
dengan bunyi yang gua dengar sebelum tid0 (210300 Nov '11),cam bunyi kotak
 kertas (kat bilik gua ada 5 kotak camtu) kena langgar s0mething..

pagi tadi, last mimpi yang gua ingat....gua cam join dak2 (ntah, cam tengah kursus
dsb) dan ktaorg kena tid0 atas katil double-decker ramai2. tapi gua tid0 s0rang2
kat katil atas. rasa cam baru je lelap, rasa katil bergegar...dan leh plak time tu
gua sempat fikir, maybe ada orang nak kejutkan. sedar tak sedar, gua terjaga betul2
(realiti) dan perasan katil gua memang bergegar (vibrate constantly & beyond
human can do). baru je gua angkat lutut dan sendal siku kanan nak bangun, cam gelap
je kat depan gua dan kena 'tolak+tindih'. separa sedar, gua terkaku dengan badan
memang keras even takleh betulkan tangan+kaki kanan yang dah rapat dengan tilam
sebab kena tindih dan katil dah tak bergegar cuma ada bunyi je (katil besi).
kemudian gua rasa perlu azan, terus gua laungkan even muka cam orang lumpuh.
sekali azan, takde kesan...sekali lagi gua azan kuat2. baru la berkesan dan rasa ok.
terus gua bangun...tengok jam kat tangan kiri 6.45pagi. tetibe rasa semacam je
kat sebelah kanan (gua tid0 memang tak rapat dengan dinding, selalunya gua mengiring
ke kanan mengadap dinding) dan rasa cam ada s0mething hitam kat sebelah kanan mengadap
gua. terus gua pejam mata, baca ayat Kursi then terus ludah kat dinding. tak fikir
panjang, gi switch-on lampu dan dengan baju yang agak lembap (berpeluh) gua terus
ambil wudhu'untuk solat subuh. lepas solat, gua termenung sambil tengok katil dan
dinding (memang gua perasan sebelum tid0, takde pun sebarang benda warna hitam kat
situ)...hm, alarm pukul 6 pagi gua tak sedar pun. ni sempat pulak gua terjaga betul2
sebelum habis Subuh. tapi, agak2 la 'benda hitam' tu yang tolong kejut bangun Subuh.
tak tahu sebarang benda yang berkaitan dua, tiga hari ni malah gua takde pun tengok
horror movie/video sejak bulan 0gos. mungkin dah nasib gua pagi ni.katil yang sama
tahun ni, dah 2x kali kena tindih dan yang pagi tadi lagi UNFORGETTABLE+dahsyat....